There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I need moral support for this bender
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
