I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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