if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
