So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
