what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The air was thick with penises
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
