Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
