There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
