i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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