whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
