so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
