all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
