I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize