My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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