wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
