Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
