I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
