shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
