How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
