white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
