Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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