I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Randomize
