I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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