I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
