True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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