Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
