Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
