I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
