my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
