if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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