Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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