My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
