I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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