I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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