Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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