Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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