I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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