im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
