I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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