the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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