Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
