its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
