Someone shit on the floor
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
