Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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