it's not cheating when I paid for it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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