On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
