I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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