i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
