Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
