Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
