I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
