But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
