Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
