I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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