It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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