um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
