I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
