In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
