I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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