ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
