Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
