Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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