sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
