i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
