mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
