what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it hurts more in the daytime
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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