Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
