I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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