Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
