oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
