i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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