Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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