Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
