i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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