He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
