Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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