I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
