You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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