idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
