If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
