remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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I have fence marks all over my body
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The ass gains better be worth it
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