He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
