he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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